"So, what are your birthday plans?"

Was asked what my birthday plans were and my reply, "Working the late shift". Sounds wonderful, NOT! The well wishers have began their litany of happy birthdays.  I would love to have a grand birthday party and invite all the people who have make me the person I am today.

After 60 tears, I mean years, wonder if these people would care if they influenced me, whether for the good or the bad. Would the girls in junior high, who excluded me like to know how this hurt me and it still sticks in my mind? Would an old flame care that I was scared to death to break up with him because of threats of  harm. And  my Dad's tears on my wedding day, would he know I wondered if they were tears of joy or pain?

Over the next few days I want to share these memories and how I have been transformed by them. Since many I have never shared, hoping this will be therapeutic for me. I want to grow with this. I am challenging myself to love who I am at 61.

Oh the aches and pains of no motivation

This morning, while snuggled in my bed, I laid there listening to the rain and wondered why I couldn't just lay there and dig a little deeper under the covers. Then I remembered I am not old enough for SS benefits, not disabled nor am I rich; so I proceeded to arise and start my day.  Only 3 days until my birthday and I'm wondering if it will be just as hard to get up then as it was today. I figure that is not going to change.

Upon rising I feel the general aches and pains that seem to come with the aging process plus I started exercising again yesterday evening. This seems to add to those pains along with the weather. Starting back exercising after stopping for 3 months I think 30 minutes on the bike was pretty good, but I need to up the intensity on the workouts and get my pain on. So, does more pain in the beginning equal less pain later and can my 61st year be the start of something good?

My problem is I start off slow and get uninterested real fast. My lack of motivation, or should I say self-motivation has not been my strong point. I would love to have a motivator to encourage me and keeps me on course. Not sure this is a trait I can develop at 60.

I know I'm not in the best shape and I'm overweight so don't tell me that. Positive motivation is what I'm looking for, any suggestions?

Until later!

As my 60th year comes to an end:-(

In 6 days my 60th year of living on this Earth will be over, but I'm not dead yet! Can you hate and love being 60 at the same time? I say yes you can. I hate that the majority of my life is behind me and I look back and wondered why I've wasted so much of it. I love that I'm still living and enjoying a new phase of my life. So which has more weight? I would ask you the same question, no matter what stage of life you are living.

Have you wasted your life by sitting on the sidelines? I feel that is where I've been in recent years. In years past, way past, I was fun-loving, enthusiastic, adventurer and at times reckless. I loved dancing and partying. I dated multiple people prior to marrying, but never felt loved without giving up a small piece of myself. I didn't feel worthy, I felt used. There were girls who were prettier, smarter and more fun than I was.

I hope with this blog there will be those who need an outlet to remember who they were and maybe together we can find our true selves again.